My children were beautiful. I had a beautiful life. I had a beautiful birth. Why did everything feel so heavy? I recognized the signs, it was the same as last time (after Charlie was born) but this time I acknowledged that it wasn’t normal to feel this way. This was not how mothers just feel. This was not circumstantial depression. This was intense postpartum depression and anxiety. My usual ‘just do it’ attitude slipped away, and I was a shell of my usually charismatic self.